tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26698843340211495392024-03-19T03:47:01.837-07:00EverythingTommy Pickleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02869614776274483651noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2669884334021149539.post-14004666823291058942015-03-27T10:32:00.000-07:002015-03-27T10:32:38.309-07:00WCBM Round 2<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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There was a decent amount of interest in round 1 so I figured I'd go ahead and keep updating this. Quick rundown of noteworthy matchups from the voting Monday-Thursday:<br />
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<li>(8)Hillbilly put up a surprising fight, going down 46-22</li>
<li>(6)Handgliding with an easy upset over (3)Numchuck'd 36-21</li>
<li>(2)Damn, Sluts! was a big winner, advancing 53-7...</li>
<li>...but Trapster got shafted twice</li>
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<li>(3)Trapster & Sack went down in embarrassing fashion, 34-19</li>
<li>(4)WOP Genius lost a nailbiter, 27-26 (idiots)</li>
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<li>Biggest Winner: (2)Motorboatin' SOB over (7)Judas, 49-4</li>
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Matchup 17: (1) Rule #76 vs. (5) Phenomenal Dancer</div>
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Matchup 18: (2) Ma, the Meatloaf! vs. (3) Erroneous</div>
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Matchup 19: (1) What an IDIOT vs. (4) Shut Your Mouth</div>
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Matchup 20: (2) Damn, Sluts! vs. (6) Handgliding</div>
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Matchup 21: (1) Grow up Peter Pan vs. (5) Bicycle Clown</div>
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Matchup 22: (2) Motorboatin' SOB vs. (6) What is she doing</div>
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Matchup 23: (1) Crabcakes & Football vs. (5) Stop crying</div>
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Matchup 24: (2) Sack lunch vs. (3) Cocksman</div>
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Tommy Pickleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02869614776274483651noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2669884334021149539.post-4190192628134845612015-03-23T08:00:00.000-07:002015-03-23T08:01:59.445-07:00WEDDING CRASHERS BRACKET MADNESS<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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What's up everyone, long time no see. I apologize, I've been very busy <strike>photoshopping Jim Harbaugh into pictures with me </strike> working hard and focusing on my studies.<br />
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Anyway, everyone's obviously got bracket fever with it being March and all. Unfortunately, Michigan (most successful team the past two years NBD) is not in this year's Tournament, so it's really just irrelevant and I know noone actually cares what happens. This is where Wedding Crashers comes in. As the greatest RomCom / overall comedy of all time, this epic achievement in film-making is always relevant.<br />
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We've all seen it 100s of times, but more importantly we all (aka I) quote it pretty much every day. In turn, to get everyone excited about a bracket of some kind, I've compiled the 32 greatest quotes from the film. Now it's time to determine which one is the best. The entire bracket and the first round of polls are after the jump.<br />
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<i>*If this is too small, there are zoomed in pictures of each quadrant below as well</i><br />
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I can already hear some of you being all "omg Tommy how could you forget [insert not top-32-worthy quote here], you suck!" STFU. Grow up Peter Pan, Count Chocula. Trust me, this effort involved a lot of hard work. I knew this wouldn't be without controversy, so I <a href="https://rossvross.files.wordpress.com/2014/08/attenborough.jpg?w=450">spared no expense</a> in building out this list. After watching the movie with this contest in mind, ~45 quotes came up for consideration. It took a lot of time and effort—Excel spreadsheets, SQL coding, Discounted Cash Flow models, LBO analysis, 50-page decks, hours on Westlaw... you name it, I used it—but I finally narrowed it down to a field of 32.<br />
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You'll notice some quotes were parsed into 2 separate ones (e.g. "you motorboating son of a bitch" and "stop crying like a little girl"). I did this to do justice to certain phrases that would be masked by their "big brother" counterparts otherwise.<br />
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There was an S-curve put together, but I'll spare you these minor details. The rankings were compiled based 50% on how all you plebeians would rank the quotes and 50% based on my personal opinion. The battle for a 1 seed was hotly contested, with the pecking order at the top ultimately going as follows:<br />
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<li>1: Rule #76</li>
<li>2: Grow up Peter Pan</li>
<li>3: Crabcakes and Football</li>
<li>4: What an IDIOT</li>
<li>5: Damn, Sluts!</li>
<li>6: Sack Lunch</li>
<li>7: Motorboatin' SOB</li>
<li>8: Ma, the Meatloaf!*</li>
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<li>*Wouldn't be remotely this high if I ran this contest as a pure dictatorship; alas, I am a man of the people and this is where it stands</li>
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Anyway, enough about the method, let's get to the actual Bracket. Take a look at it, fill out your own, and let's get the voting started with Round 1. May the best phrase/quote/scene win.<br />
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First up: Secretary Cleary's Region.<br />
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Matchup 1: (1) Rule #76 vs. (8) Hillbilly<br />
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Matchup 2: (4) Damn you Roger vs. (5) Phenomenal Dancer<br />
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Matchup 3: (3) Erroneous vs. (6) Living the Dream*</div>
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*Made the cut solely because of Chazz's little celebration at 0:18, which is an absolute 12/10<br />
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Matchup 4: (2) Ma, the Meatloaf! vs. (7) Tattoo</div>
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Next: Chazz Reinhold's Quarters.<br />
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Matchup 5: (1) What an IDIOT vs. (8) Big Tree Fall Hard<br />
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Matchup 6: (4) Shut Your Mouth vs. (5) 6' 5"</div>
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Matchup 7: (3) Numchuck'd vs. (6) Handgliding<br />
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Matchup 8: (2) Damn, Sluts! vs. (7) Can I say Yes?<br />
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Third: The man, the legend... Count Chocula's Realm.<br />
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Matchup 9: (1) Grow up Peter Pan vs. (8) 1st Team All-State<br />
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Matchup 10: (4) Maple Syrup vs. (5) Bicycle Clown<br />
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Matchup 11: (3) Trapster & Sack vs. (6) What is she doing<br />
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Matchup 12: (2) Motorboatin' SOB vs. (7) Judas<br />
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Last, but certainly not least, we've got my man Trapster's Court.<br />
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Matchup 13: (1) Crabcakes & Football vs. (8) Christmas v. Weddings<br />
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Matchup 14: (4) WOP Genius vs. (5) Stop crying<br />
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Matchup 15: (3) Cocksman vs. (6) The Noise<br />
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Matchup 16: (2) Sack lunch vs. (7) Sandbaggin' SOB<br />
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And there you have it. If you've made it this far, I am thoroughly impressed, as this is quite possibly the longest blog post in the history of the Internet. Thanks for reading and voting, and hopefully I'll see you back for the Sweet 16.<br />
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<i>Big thanks to Dan for helping to create this. </i></div>
Tommy Pickleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02869614776274483651noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2669884334021149539.post-36747178283579756752013-07-17T18:38:00.000-07:002013-07-18T10:03:17.877-07:00Urban Meyer vs Brady Hoke: Easy Choice or Easiest Choice?<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0LMZJwYafcj90Iin4oLGMo_TVegZQYysX9eQKTotvJqVjBgrRrRrOSPBTprOCcWO5fkoHBZodCEj_IjKyBwChpE45S9ml7lHTwd6q5OXUhkRYfez0Uz2QEaVEugNZI9cPHqGoc7VXUnLh/s1600/urbanhoke.jpg"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0LMZJwYafcj90Iin4oLGMo_TVegZQYysX9eQKTotvJqVjBgrRrRrOSPBTprOCcWO5fkoHBZodCEj_IjKyBwChpE45S9ml7lHTwd6q5OXUhkRYfez0Uz2QEaVEugNZI9cPHqGoc7VXUnLh/s320/urbanhoke.jpg" /></a><br /><br /><br />I'm in the midst of a 6 hour train ride from Berlin to Amsterdam, and I can't help but think of just how bad a person Urban Meyer is. Let's list out why a recruits' parents should never consider sending their kid to play for him, especially if Brady Hoke is in the picture.<a name='more'></a><br /><br /><b><u>1)High likelihood your kid ends up in jail</u></b><br /><br />There has been a great amount of coverage on the Aaron Hernandez situation these past few weeks, although one fact hasn't received enough attention. Yeah, the guy is clearly a bad person, but let's trace back to how he became who he is.<br /><br />As anyone knows, people truly become "themselves" in college. Usually they become better people and learn a lot about life/relationships/not committing crimes. Unfortunately for Aaron Hernandez, his mentor in college was Urban Meyer. Urban won his heart as a high school football recruit, likely due to making Aaron feel like he was God's (aka Hoke's) gift to earth, leading AH to think he was invincible. Urban made this situation even worse as he would routinely let Aaron get away with fighting people/murdering people (probably) while in Gainesville. Aaron's young mind was contorted to believe this was ok, since Urban never suspended him and paid off the cops so they acted unaware as well. Four years at Florida of doing what he wanted under Urban Meyer's tutelage led to the monster we have today.<br /><br />I know that is just one great example of how bad an influence Urban is, but there are countless others; the arrest record of his players at Florida speaks for itself.<br /><br /><b><u>2)He will inevitably leave OSU for a job like Bowling Green</u></b><br /><br />Urban Meyer had it all at Florida; he won two national titles with Ron Zook's talent and was in the running for another. Then he ran into the buzzsaw that was Alabama, had a "heart attack", and promptly retired to be with his family forever and ever. Of course, Urban's plan all along was to get out of a situation that was all downhill (routine asskickings at the hands of Alabama) for greener pastures at a far worse football school. I mean, does OSU even football bro?<br /><br />One thing Urban didn't count on was HOKEAMANIA coming to Ann Arbor and laying waste to anyone who encountered him, whether it be at The Big House or on the recruiting trail. In a few years, when Hoke is on the verge of his third straight national title aka Big Ten title, Urban will almost definitely suffer from the common cold and be forced to retire from coaching... Until the position at BGSU opens up that is.<br /><br /><b><u>3)Emotional trauma</u></b><br /><br />Urban Meyer is interesting in that he operates his teams under "circles of trust" based on a player's "intangible characteristics". I don't know about you, but that sounds too much like a certain former Penn State coach for my liking.<br /><br />Even if we give Urban the benefit of the doubt (never do this), it's not an ideal situation. I know I wouldn't want my kid to go somewhere where he felt he was second-rate in the coach's mind.<br /><br /><br /> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiy2KW-3PvdVEFifVo-FxiMu8DEDljSbpFzOP50O71exNrhxbouDzhMUbzgf2miyKRQVqUXSP-XG0w198LyrM7-strUmLwHfZDiWDCRFMHV6B_bE2l1k6wbG-aCUg8f46XSuoo2AHjpsKas/s1600/bradyhoke.jpg"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiy2KW-3PvdVEFifVo-FxiMu8DEDljSbpFzOP50O71exNrhxbouDzhMUbzgf2miyKRQVqUXSP-XG0w198LyrM7-strUmLwHfZDiWDCRFMHV6B_bE2l1k6wbG-aCUg8f46XSuoo2AHjpsKas/s320/bradyhoke.jpg" /></a><br /><br />Enter Brady Hoke. While Urban is letting his players go all GTA Vice City on their respective campuses, Hoke is instilling values in his young men. Star running back gets in legal trouble? Atone for it all summer and you can't play for 2 games either. Star punter fails a drug test? No 2013 season for you. Incoming four-star freshman involved in an undisclosed assault case? GTFO the team.<br /><br />Not only is he a disciplinarian, but the guy loves his players like a dad loves his children (well, besides Urban Meyer). Countless exiting players have said he's the first person they'd call when they returned to Ann Arbor. John Harbaugh is on record gushing about how great a guy he is. Here's a nice contrast between Urb and Brady: After beating OSU in his first year (2011), the first time in years for Michigan, Hoke was asked how he felt about starting his legacy off the right way. Instead of answering the question, he said "look over at the seniors... That's defining a legacy." The guy could've stood there and talked about how all his hard work paid off and his players should be thankful for him (exactly what Meyer would have done), but instead he just gave the players the glory.<br /><br />While this was all going on, Urban was coming to contractual terms with OSU, probably laughing at his former Florida team/players and how they sucked.<br /><br />Parents and recruits, the choice is simple: play for a guy who will turn you into a great football player and a better person, or play for a "man" who will turn you into a decent football player while pushing you to a life of crime and dishonesty. Choose wisely.Tommy Pickleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02869614776274483651noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2669884334021149539.post-47746746413305346322013-06-13T15:37:00.000-07:002015-03-17T09:05:51.799-07:00The Path to The Game(s)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEim7yr6gR3MBCHE2tNxrjFLDfmSHfu4Lh4jryRfemqIiikP_OvnKXxmQBlOTyPLCMlr4YTRZ-ruj7Te6_AWF8jN-l8-v_DoTnD4LJQRB_ooN7ORWB3cmD_sqftc7QHERgboAOXeeErpcoY5/s1600/hoketheman.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEim7yr6gR3MBCHE2tNxrjFLDfmSHfu4Lh4jryRfemqIiikP_OvnKXxmQBlOTyPLCMlr4YTRZ-ruj7Te6_AWF8jN-l8-v_DoTnD4LJQRB_ooN7ORWB3cmD_sqftc7QHERgboAOXeeErpcoY5/s320/hoketheman.jpg" height="242" width="320" /></a></div>
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First off, I'd like to apologize to my legions of fans for the long hiatus. Due to a variety of reasons (Rich Rodriguez-induced depression), I haven't been able to write for quite some time. <br />
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Anyways, as you all noticed, I was obviously wrong about my 2010 prediction. Yeah, I predicted Michigan to win the national title, and yeah, they finished roughly 7-6. But that's not the point. The point is Denard finished 6th in Heisman voting, and if they had a competent defensive coordinator (big part of my prediction), they would've won it all. Boom, lawyered.</div>
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Enough about me, though. Let's look ahead to the 2013 season, which will almost definitely be the best Michigan season since 2006. </div>
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<b><u>2013 Michigan Wolverines Schedule</u></b></div>
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vs Central Michigan - Lol. 1-0.</div>
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vs Notre Dame - Under The Lights Part II. Part I was an instant classic, but I highly doubt Part II will be. With Everett Golson out, Notre Dame will have to turn to Tommy Rees, and we all know how he <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=03iHQdJATHE#t=07m02s">plays at the Big House</a>. Their defensive front is terrifying, but it won't matter when they're unable to cover Gallon downfield anyways. Devin will have a field day, propelling Michigan to a 2-0 record and kickstarting his Heisman campaign. Michigan 34, Notre Dame 13.</div>
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vs Akron - Hoke kinda emphasizes beating teams like Akron all year, so the team will definitely be fired up for this one. Plus Akron <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2012_Akron_Zips_football_team">really, really sucks</a>. 3-0.</div>
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@Connecticut - Connecticut's best team in years only put up 10 points on one of the worst defenses of all time when Michigan cruised to a 30-10 victory in 2010. No contest. 4-0.</div>
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vs Minnesota - 5-0.</div>
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@Penn State - On paper, this shouldn't be too much of a challenge, with Michigan having advantages at most positions; however, a few things are going against the good guys this game. This will be the first true road game of the season, and Beaver Stadium is also one of the most hostile environments in the country. There's also an element of unpredictability, as this is the same school that covered up child molestation for over a decade, so you never know what to expect. On the flip side, Penn State will likely be starting a true freshman at QB, and 6 games into the season their undoubted depth issues will likely begin to show. I think DG makes just enough plays to win the game and Michigan emerges victorious, 24-20. 6-0.</div>
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vs Indiana - One of my close friends went to Indiana, and I tend to view him as an embodiment of the university as a whole. Much like my friend, IU sucks at everything. 7-0.<br />
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@Michigan State - Michigan kicks off a treacherous November slate with a tough game in East Lansing. As usual, MSU will have a rock-solid defense, featuring All-American candidate Denicos... Actually, fuck this. <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6455_8FsJOM">Nothing else need be said</a>. 8-0.</div>
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vs Nebraska - Nebraska is honestly the weirdest team in the B1G. Two years ago, everyone expected a tough game when they came to Ann Arbor; they left on the wrong end of a 45-17 rout. Last year, Nebraska beat Michigan in a fairly close game, though this was despite literally the worst QB performance in history (not even hyperbole; I beg someone to find worse). This was key, because Nebraska got torched against <a href="http://espn.go.com/ncf/recap?id=322520026">every</a> <a href="http://espn.go.com/college-football/team/schedule/_/id/158/year/2012/nebraska-cornhuskers">decent team</a> <a href="http://espn.go.com/ncf/recap?id=323360275">they</a> <a href="http://espn.go.com/ncf/recap?id=330010158">faced</a>. Assuming Nebraska improves defensively (tough not to), I doubt it will make up for the improvement from Bellomy to Gardner for Michigan. On the other side of the ball, their QB <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MiQCwBmLRE4">throws like this</a>. Devin supercharges his Heisman campaign as Michigan rolls to an easy victory. 9-0.</div>
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@Northwestern - Pat Fitzgerald's tenure at NW has been very impressive. Their turnaround has been significant, and they are definitely going to be a tough game not only this year, but for years to come as well. But when your head coach is celebrating <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vFRlQWhpXh8#t=00m23s">like this</a> on a personal foul, you don't have what it takes to go toe-to-toe with Brady Hoke and co. Michigan wins in an offensive battle, 31-28. 10-0.</div>
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@Iowa - Don't really have much to say here, nor do I want to take the time to look up stats/highlights on Iowa football 2012. Suffice to say Michigan will win this game. 11-0.</div>
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I'm going to temporarily stop here, because whatever I write about The Game in this context won't do it justice. One thing I do know: Brady Hoke is undefeated at the Big House. Urban Meyer and crew are coming to the Big House. Statistics/math are clearly on the good guys' side.</div>
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I'll probably write about the two "The Game"s/the Heisman trophy ceremony later; until then, go blue.</div>
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Tommy Pickleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02869614776274483651noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2669884334021149539.post-15389992440435100262010-04-23T20:41:00.000-07:002014-11-21T06:34:03.127-08:002010 Michigan Football Season<a href="http://blog.mlive.com/wolverines_stories/2008/01/080101-rich-rodriguez-watches-wolverines-vs-florida.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" src="http://blog.mlive.com/wolverines_stories/2008/01/080101-rich-rodriguez-watches-wolverines-vs-florida.jpg" style="cursor: hand; cursor: pointer; float: left; height: 405px; margin: 0 10px 10px 0; width: 512px;" /></a><br />
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Midway through the 2009 Michigan football season, we fans were gifted with a shocking secret that took pretty much everyone by surprise: Rich Rodriguez [REDACTED BECAUSE I AM NOW AN ADULT]. Sure, in September it looked like the team just about had the national title on lockdown, but then Coach Rod realized this was not something he wanted yet. In week 5, when facing little brother Michigan State, he decided to [REDACTED] and start putting to rest any chances of this national title season seeing the light of day when he let the team lose the coin toss to start the overtime. Any good coach knows exactly what side the coin is going to land on, and coach decided not to divulge this information to the team. The next week he finished the job, putting Lil Wayne in for a potential game-winning drive against the worst top-5 team in the history of the world while Tate sat on the sidelines. This after he had one of the most clutch months in freshman history and proclaimed he "doesn't get nervous." After the game pretty much everyone was confused by the big grin on RichRod's face, which was no doubt there because he knew something the rest of us didn't: the job was complete. Lucky for Michigan fans, even a [baby] could beat Delaware State and the team didn't finish the season on an 8-game losing streak.<br />
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Enter 2010. Rich Rod has finally accepted the duties that come with being a father. Denard "Usain Bolt" Robinson has now learned how to play his position (throw the ball). Sure, we lost Donovan Warren early but we're replacing him with a certain Demar Dorsey, who wasn't phased by an Urban Meyer [overture] (see Tim Tebow) and made the right college choice. </div>
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Obviously the name "Michigan" alone will give us easy wins against lesser Big Ten teams (everyone except Penn State and Ohio State). As for Penn State, everyone knows that "we own Penn State." And Joe Pa is old as shit. Nuff said. Some of you out there might be saying "there's no way you'll beat Ohio State with Terrelle Pryor back for his third year!!!" though. For one thing, I don't know if you've heard about Pryor's philosophy on life, but he believes that "everyone kills people, everyone steals." Seriously, if he tries to go pro he will definitely set a record low on the Wonderlic... but I digress. As I was saying, Pryor will probably be in jail on a life sentence by mid-November, so that won't be a problem. Big Ten Championship: Check.</div>
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Even if there are somehow two or more other undefeated teams, there is no doubt that the BCS will reward Michigan's tough strength of schedule and vault them into the top 2. Featuring two under-the-radar pro factories on the non-conference slate (Massachusetts and Bowling Green) will no doubt add further to the Big Ten conference title. The best part is Urban Meyer will probably have had a heart attack by this time, so he won't be able to cry his way into the title game circa 2006. I hope all you Michigan fans out there somehow stumbled upon this blog and are prepping for the year, and I have one final thing to say: fear not, my friends, Rich Rod is finally ready to knock up our dreams and let them live to see the 2011 title game. </div>
Tommy Pickleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02869614776274483651noreply@blogger.com0