Wednesday, July 17, 2013
I'm in the midst of a 6 hour train ride from Berlin to Amsterdam, and I can't help but think of just how bad a person Urban Meyer is. Let's list out why a recruits' parents should never consider sending their kid to play for him, especially if Brady Hoke is in the picture.
Thursday, June 13, 2013
First off, I'd like to apologize to my legions of fans for the long hiatus. Due to a variety of reasons (Rich Rodriguez-induced depression), I haven't been able to write for quite some time.
Anyways, as you all noticed, I was obviously wrong about my 2010 prediction. Yeah, I predicted Michigan to win the national title, and yeah, they finished roughly 7-6. But that's not the point. The point is Denard finished 6th in Heisman voting, and if they had a competent defensive coordinator (big part of my prediction), they would've won it all. Boom, lawyered.
Enough about me, though. Let's look ahead to the 2013 season, which will almost definitely be the best Michigan season since 2006.
2013 Michigan Wolverines Schedule
vs Central Michigan - Lol. 1-0.
vs Notre Dame - Under The Lights Part II. Part I was an instant classic, but I highly doubt Part II will be. With Everett Golson out, Notre Dame will have to turn to Tommy Rees, and we all know how he plays at the Big House. Their defensive front is terrifying, but it won't matter when they're unable to cover Gallon downfield anyways. Devin will have a field day, propelling Michigan to a 2-0 record and kickstarting his Heisman campaign. Michigan 34, Notre Dame 13.
vs Akron - Hoke kinda emphasizes beating teams like Akron all year, so the team will definitely be fired up for this one. Plus Akron really, really sucks. 3-0.
@Connecticut - Connecticut's best team in years only put up 10 points on one of the worst defenses of all time when Michigan cruised to a 30-10 victory in 2010. No contest. 4-0.
vs Minnesota - 5-0.
@Penn State - On paper, this shouldn't be too much of a challenge, with Michigan having advantages at most positions; however, a few things are going against the good guys this game. This will be the first true road game of the season, and Beaver Stadium is also one of the most hostile environments in the country. There's also an element of unpredictability, as this is the same school that covered up child molestation for over a decade, so you never know what to expect. On the flip side, Penn State will likely be starting a true freshman at QB, and 6 games into the season their undoubted depth issues will likely begin to show. I think DG makes just enough plays to win the game and Michigan emerges victorious, 24-20. 6-0.
vs Indiana - One of my close friends went to Indiana, and I tend to view him as an embodiment of the university as a whole. Much like my friend, IU sucks at everything. 7-0.
@Michigan State - Michigan kicks off a treacherous November slate with a tough game in East Lansing. As usual, MSU will have a rock-solid defense, featuring All-American candidate Denicos... Actually, fuck this. Nothing else need be said. 8-0.
vs Nebraska - Nebraska is honestly the weirdest team in the B1G. Two years ago, everyone expected a tough game when they came to Ann Arbor; they left on the wrong end of a 45-17 rout. Last year, Nebraska beat Michigan in a fairly close game, though this was despite literally the worst QB performance in history (not even hyperbole; I beg someone to find worse). This was key, because Nebraska got torched against every decent team they faced. Assuming Nebraska improves defensively (tough not to), I doubt it will make up for the improvement from Bellomy to Gardner for Michigan. On the other side of the ball, their QB throws like this. Devin supercharges his Heisman campaign as Michigan rolls to an easy victory. 9-0.
@Northwestern - Pat Fitzgerald's tenure at NW has been very impressive. Their turnaround has been significant, and they are definitely going to be a tough game not only this year, but for years to come as well. But when your head coach is celebrating like this on a personal foul, you don't have what it takes to go toe-to-toe with Brady Hoke and co. Michigan wins in an offensive battle, 31-28. 10-0.
@Iowa - Don't really have much to say here, nor do I want to take the time to look up stats/highlights on Iowa football 2012. Suffice to say Michigan will win this game. 11-0.
I'm going to temporarily stop here, because whatever I write about The Game in this context won't do it justice. One thing I do know: Brady Hoke is undefeated at the Big House. Urban Meyer and crew are coming to the Big House. Statistics/math are clearly on the good guys' side.
I'll probably write about the two "The Game"s/the Heisman trophy ceremony later; until then, go blue.