Friday, March 27, 2015

WCBM Round 2

There was a decent amount of interest in round 1 so I figured I'd go ahead and keep updating this. Quick rundown of noteworthy matchups from the voting Monday-Thursday:

  • (8)Hillbilly put up a surprising fight, going down 46-22
  • (6)Handgliding with an easy upset over (3)Numchuck'd 36-21
  • (2)Damn, Sluts! was a big winner, advancing 53-7...
  • ...but Trapster got shafted twice
    • (3)Trapster & Sack went down in embarrassing fashion, 34-19
    • (4)WOP Genius lost a nailbiter, 27-26 (idiots)
  • Biggest Winner: (2)Motorboatin' SOB over (7)Judas, 49-4

Matchups and voting for the next round below.

Monday, March 23, 2015


What's up everyone, long time no see. I apologize, I've been very busy photoshopping Jim Harbaugh into pictures with me  working hard and focusing on my studies.

Anyway, everyone's obviously got bracket fever with it being March and all. Unfortunately, Michigan (most successful team the past two years NBD) is not in this year's Tournament, so it's really just irrelevant and I know noone actually cares what happens. This is where Wedding Crashers comes in. As the greatest RomCom / overall comedy of all time, this epic achievement in film-making is always relevant.

We've all seen it 100s of times, but more importantly we all (aka I) quote it pretty much every day. In turn, to get everyone excited about a bracket of some kind, I've compiled the 32 greatest quotes from the film. Now it's time to determine which one is the best. The entire bracket and the first round of polls are after the jump.

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Urban Meyer vs Brady Hoke: Easy Choice or Easiest Choice?

I'm in the midst of a 6 hour train ride from Berlin to Amsterdam, and I can't help but think of just how bad a person Urban Meyer is. Let's list out why a recruits' parents should never consider sending their kid to play for him, especially if Brady Hoke is in the picture.

Thursday, June 13, 2013

The Path to The Game(s)

First off, I'd like to apologize to my legions of fans for the long hiatus. Due to a variety of reasons (Rich Rodriguez-induced depression), I haven't been able to write for quite some time.

Anyways, as you all noticed, I was obviously wrong about my 2010 prediction. Yeah, I predicted Michigan to win the national title, and yeah, they finished roughly 7-6. But that's not the point. The point is Denard finished 6th in Heisman voting, and if they had a competent defensive coordinator (big part of my prediction), they would've won it all. Boom, lawyered.

Enough about me, though. Let's look ahead to the 2013 season, which will almost definitely be the best Michigan season since 2006.  

2013 Michigan Wolverines Schedule

vs Central Michigan - Lol. 1-0.

vs Notre Dame - Under The Lights Part II. Part I was an instant classic, but I highly doubt Part II will be. With Everett Golson out, Notre Dame will have to turn to Tommy Rees, and we all know how he plays at the Big House. Their defensive front is terrifying, but it won't matter when they're unable to cover Gallon downfield anyways. Devin will have a field day, propelling Michigan to a 2-0 record and kickstarting his Heisman campaign. Michigan 34, Notre Dame 13.

vs Akron - Hoke kinda emphasizes beating teams like Akron all year, so the team will definitely be fired up for this one. Plus Akron really, really sucks. 3-0.

@Connecticut - Connecticut's best team in years only put up 10 points on one of the worst defenses of all time when Michigan cruised to a 30-10 victory in 2010. No contest. 4-0.

vs Minnesota - 5-0.

@Penn State - On paper, this shouldn't be too much of a challenge, with Michigan having advantages at most positions; however, a few things are going against the good guys this game. This will be the first true road game of the season, and Beaver Stadium is also one of the most hostile environments in the country. There's also an element of unpredictability, as this is the same school that covered up child molestation for over a decade, so you never know what to expect.  On the flip side, Penn State will likely be starting a true freshman at QB, and 6 games into the season their undoubted depth issues will likely begin to show.  I think DG makes just enough plays to win the game and Michigan emerges victorious, 24-20. 6-0.

vs Indiana - One of my close friends went to Indiana, and I tend to view him as an embodiment of the university as a whole. Much like my friend, IU sucks at everything. 7-0.

@Michigan State - Michigan kicks off a treacherous November slate with a tough game in East Lansing.  As usual, MSU will have a rock-solid defense, featuring All-American candidate Denicos... Actually, fuck this. Nothing else need be said. 8-0.

vs Nebraska - Nebraska is honestly the weirdest team in the B1G. Two years ago, everyone expected a tough game when they came to Ann Arbor; they left on the wrong end of a 45-17 rout. Last year, Nebraska beat Michigan in a fairly close game, though this was despite literally the worst QB performance in history (not even hyperbole; I beg someone to find worse).  This was key, because Nebraska got torched against every decent team they faced. Assuming Nebraska improves defensively (tough not to), I doubt it will make up for the improvement from Bellomy to Gardner for Michigan. On the other side of the ball, their QB throws like this. Devin supercharges his Heisman campaign as Michigan rolls to an easy victory. 9-0.

@Northwestern - Pat Fitzgerald's tenure at NW has been very impressive. Their turnaround has been significant, and they are definitely going to be a tough game not only this year, but for years to come as well.  But when your head coach is celebrating like this on a personal foul, you don't have what it takes to go toe-to-toe with Brady Hoke and co. Michigan wins in an offensive battle, 31-28. 10-0.

@Iowa - Don't really have much to say here, nor do I want to take the time to look up stats/highlights on Iowa football 2012. Suffice to say Michigan will win this game. 11-0.

I'm going to temporarily stop here, because whatever I write about The Game in this context won't do it justice. One thing I do know: Brady Hoke is undefeated at the Big House. Urban Meyer and crew are coming to the Big House. Statistics/math are clearly on the good guys' side.

I'll probably write about the two "The Game"s/the Heisman trophy ceremony later; until then, go blue.

Friday, April 23, 2010

2010 Michigan Football Season

Midway through the 2009 Michigan football season, we fans were gifted with a shocking secret that took pretty much everyone by surprise: Rich Rodriguez [REDACTED BECAUSE I AM NOW AN ADULT]. Sure, in September it looked like the team just about had the national title on lockdown, but then Coach Rod realized this was not something he wanted yet. In week 5, when facing little brother Michigan State, he decided to [REDACTED] and start putting to rest any chances of this national title season seeing the light of day when he let the team lose the coin toss to start the overtime. Any good coach knows exactly what side the coin is going to land on, and coach decided not to divulge this information to the team. The next week he finished the job, putting Lil Wayne in for a potential game-winning drive against the worst top-5 team in the history of the world while Tate sat on the sidelines. This after he had one of the most clutch months in freshman history and proclaimed he "doesn't get nervous." After the game pretty much everyone was confused by the big grin on RichRod's face, which was no doubt there because he knew something the rest of us didn't: the job was complete. Lucky for Michigan fans, even a [baby] could beat Delaware State and the team didn't finish the season on an 8-game losing streak.

Enter 2010. Rich Rod has finally accepted the duties that come with being a father. Denard "Usain Bolt" Robinson has now learned how to play his position (throw the ball). Sure, we lost Donovan Warren early but we're replacing him with a certain Demar Dorsey, who wasn't phased by an Urban Meyer [overture] (see Tim Tebow) and made the right college choice.

Obviously the name "Michigan" alone will give us easy wins against lesser Big Ten teams (everyone except Penn State and Ohio State). As for Penn State, everyone knows that "we own Penn State." And Joe Pa is old as shit. Nuff said. Some of you out there might be saying "there's no way you'll beat Ohio State with Terrelle Pryor back for his third year!!!" though. For one thing, I don't know if you've heard about Pryor's philosophy on life, but he believes that "everyone kills people, everyone steals." Seriously, if he tries to go pro he will definitely set a record low on the Wonderlic... but I digress. As I was saying, Pryor will probably be in jail on a life sentence by mid-November, so that won't be a problem. Big Ten Championship: Check.

Even if there are somehow two or more other undefeated teams, there is no doubt that the BCS will reward Michigan's tough strength of schedule and vault them into the top 2. Featuring two under-the-radar pro factories on the non-conference slate (Massachusetts and Bowling Green) will no doubt add further to the Big Ten conference title. The best part is Urban Meyer will probably have had a heart attack by this time, so he won't be able to cry his way into the title game circa 2006. I hope all you Michigan fans out there somehow stumbled upon this blog and are prepping for the year, and I have one final thing to say: fear not, my friends, Rich Rod is finally ready to knock up our dreams and let them live to see the 2011 title game.