Monday, March 23, 2015


What's up everyone, long time no see. I apologize, I've been very busy photoshopping Jim Harbaugh into pictures with me  working hard and focusing on my studies.

Anyway, everyone's obviously got bracket fever with it being March and all. Unfortunately, Michigan (most successful team the past two years NBD) is not in this year's Tournament, so it's really just irrelevant and I know noone actually cares what happens. This is where Wedding Crashers comes in. As the greatest RomCom / overall comedy of all time, this epic achievement in film-making is always relevant.

We've all seen it 100s of times, but more importantly we all (aka I) quote it pretty much every day. In turn, to get everyone excited about a bracket of some kind, I've compiled the 32 greatest quotes from the film. Now it's time to determine which one is the best. The entire bracket and the first round of polls are after the jump.

*If this is too small, there are zoomed in pictures of each quadrant below as well

I can already hear some of you being all "omg Tommy how could you forget [insert not top-32-worthy quote here], you suck!" STFU. Grow up Peter Pan, Count Chocula. Trust me, this effort involved a lot of hard work. I knew this wouldn't be without controversy, so I spared no expense in building out this list. After watching the movie with this contest in mind, ~45 quotes came up for consideration. It took a lot of time and effort—Excel spreadsheets, SQL coding, Discounted Cash Flow models, LBO analysis, 50-page decks, hours on Westlaw... you name it, I used it—but I finally narrowed it down to a field of 32.

You'll notice some quotes were parsed into 2 separate ones (e.g. "you motorboating son of a bitch" and "stop crying like a little girl"). I did this to do justice to certain phrases that would be masked by their "big brother" counterparts otherwise.

There was an S-curve put together, but I'll spare you these minor details. The rankings were compiled based 50% on how all you plebeians would rank the quotes and 50% based on my personal opinion. The battle for a 1 seed was hotly contested, with the pecking order at the top ultimately going as follows:
  • 1: Rule #76
  • 2: Grow up Peter Pan
  • 3: Crabcakes and Football
  • 4: What an IDIOT
  • 5: Damn, Sluts!
  • 6: Sack Lunch
  • 7: Motorboatin' SOB
  • 8: Ma, the Meatloaf!*
    • *Wouldn't be remotely this high if I ran this contest as a pure dictatorship; alas, I am a man of the people and this is where it stands
Anyway, enough about the method, let's get to the actual Bracket. Take a look at it, fill out your own, and let's get the voting started with Round 1. May the best phrase/quote/scene win.

First up: Secretary Cleary's Region.

Matchup 1: (1) Rule #76 vs. (8) Hillbilly

Matchup 2: (4) Damn you Roger vs. (5) Phenomenal Dancer

Matchup 3: (3) Erroneous vs. (6) Living the Dream*
*Made the cut solely because of Chazz's little celebration at 0:18, which is an absolute 12/10

Matchup 4: (2) Ma, the Meatloaf! vs. (7) Tattoo
Next: Chazz Reinhold's Quarters.

Matchup 5: (1) What an IDIOT vs. (8) Big Tree Fall Hard

Matchup 6: (4) Shut Your Mouth vs. (5) 6' 5"
Matchup 7: (3) Numchuck'd vs. (6) Handgliding

Matchup 8: (2) Damn, Sluts! vs. (7) Can I say Yes?

Third: The man, the legend... Count Chocula's Realm.

Matchup 9: (1) Grow up Peter Pan vs. (8) 1st Team All-State

Matchup 10: (4) Maple Syrup vs. (5) Bicycle Clown

Matchup 11: (3) Trapster & Sack vs. (6) What is she doing

Matchup 12: (2) Motorboatin' SOB vs. (7) Judas

Last, but certainly not least, we've got my man Trapster's Court.

Matchup 13: (1) Crabcakes & Football vs. (8) Christmas v. Weddings

Matchup 14: (4) WOP Genius vs. (5) Stop crying

Matchup 15: (3) Cocksman vs. (6) The Noise

Matchup 16: (2) Sack lunch vs. (7) Sandbaggin' SOB

And there you have it. If you've made it this far, I am thoroughly impressed, as this is quite possibly the longest blog post in the history of the Internet. Thanks for reading and voting, and hopefully I'll see you back for the Sweet 16.

Big thanks to Dan for helping to create this. 

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